Have you ever experienced a romantic blunder?
You planned (what you thought was) the perfect romantic date idea for your sweetheart. Perhaps you bought a gift or planned a special activity. You didn’t even leave planning until the last minute! You’re so proud of the planning and excited for the surprises you have planned.
But then, nothing seems to go right!
Has something like this happened ever to you?
- He/she didn’t seem to love the gift/event as much as you expected.
- He/she got irritated or maybe started an argument.
- The date seemed very awkward and uncomfortable.
- You never heard from that person again.
This is a real problem in the real world. In fact, one of our local radio stations, XL 106.7, hosted a whole segment dedicated to listeners who had been on a date, had a great time, but after never heard from that person again. The purpose of this segment was for the hosts to help bring closure as they would call that person on behalf of the dumped party and asks them what went wrong. 9 times out of 10, the reason for the lost connection is a behavioral personality style clash.
One of the downfalls of humanity is that we tend to measure with our own yardstick. This means that we often stick to the way we see things rather than empathizing and viewing the world from another individual’s point of view. Failure to relate to someone from their viewpoint always ends by causing interpersonal irritation or avoidance, which then ends in elimination. That is, unless they begin to relate to one another.
How do we relate to others?
Truly connecting with another person begins with the genuine and sincere desire to know, appreciate, and show love to the person on the other side of the table. If we merely connect with someone based on selfish motivation, our connection will be nothing more than insincere manipulation.
How will this help me learn to romance my sweetheart?
Each differing personality style desires different types of date plans. While one individual might like going out for a fancy dinner, another might appreciate a quiet dinner at home. The trick is to discover what they will enjoy doing. Again, the purpose is not to manipulate your date. The purpose is to find how to show love and appreciation in the best way possible. Think of it like learning to speak their native language, enabling deeper communication.
[tweet_dis_img inject=”Are you loving others well? #behavioralscience #romance @PiciandPici”][/tweet_dis_img]
If you already know the 4 basic DISC behavioral styles,
scroll down for the QUICK GUIDE to romancing your sweetheart.
So what are the basic personality styles I should know?
There are 4 basic personality styles. These are a simplified version of a complex set of behaviors. We all have a unique personality mix, in addition to environmental contributors. However, the vast majority of people will usually be able to relate to one of these as their dominant behavior style.
The styles are separated based on pace and priority.
Pace: Fast or Slow
Fast paced people do things, well, fast. They walk fast, talk fast, and think fast. Decisions are made decisively and quickly, as they want to move on the the next thing.
Slow paced people do things a bit slower. They process things mentally with care and think things through. Because of this, making decisions often takes time and they often ask others for advice. They are more soft-spoken and use gentle gestures.
Priority: Task or People
Task oriented people think in processes and procedures. They value results and productivity. Customer service and entertaining guests tends to drain them.
People oriented people think about the people or the feelings involved in a situation. They focus on the human element in any situation. Filing and isolated tasks tend to drain them.
When you put these two aspect together you get the DISC model of human behavior, providing the 4 basic behavioral styles.
Each style values and appreciates something different and each would desire a different kind of romantic expression.
Do any of these sound like you or your sweetheart?
How to Romance Any Behavioral Style
Pici & Pici Quick Guide
The Direct Style, also known as the “D”. This personality is very direct, determined, and decisive. These individuals like to take charge of a situation and be the boss. They are extraordinarily hard working and always keep the final goal in mind. Decisions are usually instinctive, based on past experience. They love to win!
Romantic Do’s for the D
They will want to be in control of the plans or at least be given a choice of what they want to do. They often enjoy physical activities with a specific goal or destination and like activities that allow them to “do something”. This personality style loves challenges and competitions. When in doubt, just ask them what they want to do. They will tell you directly and make a quick decision.
Romantic Dont’s for the D
First things first, don’t show up for the date late. In fact, be at least 15 minutes early. The Direct style will see being late as disrespect of their time. This style values time, so don’t plan an event that will be slow, take a long time, or will have them waiting in a line. They also don’t like spontaneous, unplanned events, or indecisiveness.
Deal breakers for the D
If you make a promise about plans or gifts, do not under deliver. Do what you say you’re going to do. Failure to follow through is seen as laziness or disrespect.
The Interactive Style, also known as the “I”. This personality style is all about fun! They are friendly, talkative, creative, and inspiring. Individuals with this behavioral style often serve as the dreamers and big picture thinkers of a team. They do very well entertaining people, as they are great story tellers. In addition, they are spontaneous and emotionally expressive. As a result, often make instinctive decisions based on feelings.
Romantic Do’s for the I
They love surprises! Make sure whatever you do is creative and unique. This style enjoys being around people and enjoys being the center of attention. They enjoy events where they can get up on stage with the performers or being singled out in a crowd. They are also very spontaneous, so they enjoy unplanned excursions. Whatever you do, make sure they know you like them. They need you to be responsive, smile at them, and laugh at their jokes. You need to enjoy the date as much as they do.
Romantic Don’ts for the I
Don’t so the standard Valentine’s Day thing. Gifts or activities that are boring or unimpressive will disappoint them. If you plan to send flowers, be sure the flowers will be the biggest in the office with balloons attached. For planned activities, don’t do things that are highly structured, inflexible, or time sensitive. They will probably be late for the date to begin with. Inflexibility with them will cause them stress.
Deal Breakers for the I
Do not embarrass them. They get embarrassed by not being in the know or being in a situation they don’t feel accepted. Make sure they know the dress code, even if the event itself is a surprise. In addition, do not stand them up. They will feel not only embarrassed, but also ignored. This will ensure there will be no next date.
The Steady Style, also known as the “S”. This personality style include the nicest people you will ever meet. They love to be helpful and enjoy being part of the team. They value peace, security, and don’t like to make a fuss. The spotlight makes them uncomfortable and they prefer to be in the background or work behind the scenes. They usually seek council before making decisions. They are the most patient people and are great listeners.
Romantic Do’s for the S
This style prefers forming relationships in a one-on-one setting. If you plan to go out, pick a place that is quiet and private. The feelings of others is important to them, so be sure the environment is friendly, safe, and that you are kind to the wait staff. If they seem to feel uncomfortable, encourage them to speak up and tell you in a private place. They will not want to spoil the evening, but they will appreciate your awareness of their feelings. In addition, this personality style enjoys homemade gifts that show them you appreciate them. As the most giving personality style, they will also want to do something special for you. This is important to them, so let them do something nice.
Romantic Don’ts for the S
If you plan to go out, don’t do something showy that calls attention to them. Big gestures and events focused on them will make them feel uncomfortable. Don’t put date planning on their shoulders, as decision making is stressful for them. For gifts and events, stay away from things that are too expensive. They will feel guilty for accepting such things. Do not plan an activity they view as risky or take them to a place they are uncomfortable. They do not like to be rushed or interrupted, as it makes them feel in the way or undervalued.
Deal breakers for S
At all costs, do not be rude to the people around them. This personality style is very empathetic, seeming to have a radar for the feelings of others. If they are put into a situation where they (or those around them) feel threatened or uncomfortable, you will probably never see them again.
The Calculating Style, also known as the “C”. This style is the logical, calculating, and cautious one of the group. They are often called “perfectionists” and value excellence. Not wanting to make mistakes, they often second guess their decisions. They are detail-oriented and ask lots of questions. They keep their emotions below the surface and prefer to stay objective, considering the facts first. However, they’re not always dry! As the most observant personality style, they are often the most witty and play the perfect practical jokes.
Romantic Do’s for the C
Plan structured events. However, allow them to review the plans and make changes to the schedule. Let them in on the planning and give them a time table. They will make sure the two of you get where you need to be on time. They enjoy activities that are intellectually stimulating and active. Give gifts and plan events with a high level of detail, remembering the correct details about their likes and dislikes. They value quality and would rather have a smaller offerings of high quality than many offerings of inferior quality.
Romantic Dont’s for the C
First and foremost, no surprises. The “C” style gets stressed by unplanned events as they need time to process (what they feel is) the correct response. Stay away from activities that are unorganized or inconsistent. The “C” does not enjoy breaking the rules, so doing something like hopping a fence to watch the sunset will make them feel uncomfortable. This style enjoys being formal and unemotional. While in public, refrain from big emotional expressions or too much PDA. Even in private, too much emotion will make them feel uncomfortable.
Deal Breaker for the C
Above all else, the C values quality answers and accuracy. If you exaggerate or are inaccurate, they will see this as a lie. The C is the least forgiving, as they see your inaccuracy as a personal failure; thinking, “It was my fault for trusted them in the first place.” Once this trust is broken, it is very difficult to regain.